Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i will never coherently bang her
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So vagazzling was a success
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
