all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
