I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
