how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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