I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
