end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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