I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
