Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
