If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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