I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
