its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
