direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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