Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
