Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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