Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
