She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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