I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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