two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
