I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
