god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
