dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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