ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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