he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
