Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
