um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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