I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
