i was born a porn star she said
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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