just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
