I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
