when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
