a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
