Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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