omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
