it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
