I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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