The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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