oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
