There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
