I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
