I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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