she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The power of my boobs compel you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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