Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
