I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
