so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
FUCK WHALES
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
