im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
