Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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