it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
