My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
