we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
