just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
