what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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